Parent-Child Dialogue: How to have conversations about failure and setbacks By Mrs Olushola

Hello Everyone 👋

It's been such an amazing week. Learning about building resilience in kids. One will agree with me that even as  adults, we need these reminders.

Today's topic is such a vital one! Especially in an era when kids are often under immense pressure to be "perfect," learning to fail is one of the most important life skills they can acquire.

 In a world of "perfect" grades and filtered social media, how do we teach our children that setbacks aren’t dead ends, but an opportunity to try again? The secret lies in the dialogue.

How to Talk About the "Tough Stuff"

When a child fails a test, loses a game, or misses an opportunity, our instinct is often to protect them and say things like It’s okay, the coach or the other party was unfair! Or we try to fix it for them. Instead of this, we can engage in dialogues that open up the situation better, for example:

I remember a time my son lost out in a simple game quite early on, and because of that, he was devastated and would not be consoled.

I allowed him to have that emotional moment, and after that, we looked at the situation again.

And eventually, he realised he was actually absent-minded while the game was on…and that was why he made a mistake quite early in the game. Having seen that, he was ready not to let that happen next time.

So to help our kids not see failures as dead ends, we need to help them do this….

Normalise the Struggle: Share your own "Failure of the day or Week" and how you pulled through. When kids see that adults stumble and survive, the "monster" of failure gets smaller.

The Power of "Yet": Shift the language from "I can't do this" to "I can't do this yet." But I can learn to do it.  This will transform a fixed mindset into a growth mindset.

 Ask, Don't Tell: Instead of giving a lecture, try: "What’s one thing you’d do differently next time?" or "What was the hardest part of that experience?" This helps them to rethink the moment and see what needs to be fixed next time.

💡 A Quick Challenge for Today:

Next time your child makes a mistake, even a small one like spilling juice, resist the urge to sigh or scold. Instead, try saying:

"Well, that didn't go as planned! What’s your plan to fix it?"

When this is modelled many times, it becomes a part of them. Therefore, as parents and teachers, we can model the resilience we want to see in them.

Lastly, How do YOU handle setbacks at home or in the classroom? Share with us. I will love to read from you!

Thank you!